Barbara’s blog

So last night after class I was pretty heated up about our project and the amount of work we are expected to do as a team in only 4 weeks. I have no problem with an ambitious project. If the 6 of us pull it off it will be really cool. But we won't.
The basic idea of our project is this-create a fully functional website that allows users to determine how much  money they are spending on gas, show ways to  save money on gas, allow them to calculate the mpg their car receives, and locate  the gas station in their area that has the cheapest gas.

It might not sound like a lot to someone that knows nothing about designing websites, but this is a huge project. It's nearly impossible for us to do this in only 4 weeks. There is no way we are going to pull this off.

I hate this school.

I got the job with ACF Consulting and I love it. The work atmosphere is great. Everyone works together and is really laid back. I love being able to wear whatever I want to work...no dress code is awesome! It is right down the road from my house. I walk most days. The money I'm saving in gas alone not driving a half hour to work is worth it. I've already learned a lot and know I will continue to learn. I always have something to do. Work is never boring. We do a lot of cool projects and have some pretty awesome clients. I feel so lucky to have gotten this job. It's the best thing to have happened to me.

I have two possible job opportunities. I have an interview tomorrow with one company about 15 minutes from my house. They are a small motorcycle parts and accessories shop that needs some help putting together their website. I would be their full time webmaster.

The other job is the one I really want. I could walk to work everyday because the office is run out of someone's house that is in the same neighborhood I live in. I would be editing pre-existing websites, templates, etc. The pay would be better and the fact that I wouldn't have to drive would save me money on gas and keep the miles down on my old car that needs a bit of work.

I would be happy with either job because both sound decent and are related to my field of study. I'm sick of working at JCP. It was a mistake to start working there. They are giving me 10 hours a week now. I can barely pay any bills on that salary. It's not even worth the gas to drive there. I'm hoping that the $20 of gas I put in my car today will last me a few days.

I've been worried a lot lately because of all my money issues. Hopefully one of these jobs will give me a better opportunity.

I really hate school. I seriously hate everything about this place. They give us a million requirements for everything, but don't give us the necessary resources to execute what we need to do. They expect us to shell out money like it's nothing, when most of us can't get a full time job because we are here 4 fucking days a week because they can't schedule classes to be on the same day. They firewall everything, and won't install mySQL on the computers here, so we are required to buy hosting space with php installed, then we can't even use dreamweaver to connect to our databases because ftp connections are blocked. So i have no clue if my database is working right or not for my finals tomorrow. UGH! They scheduled the graduation ceremony tonight, when the quarter isn't even fucking over. So if you are graduating and have class tonight you get screwed (which is actually happening to one of my friends). And whoever designed the rooms in this school didn't think about electrical outlets, because if there is 2 outlets in a room you are lucky. I'm currently in the library and my laptop is going to die any minute now, and I can't plug it in because there are only 2 outlets in this whole place and they are being used. Everything about this place is so retarded. I can't wait to get the hell out of here!  

It's finals week and I'm almost done with everything. I have absolutely no desire to finish anything though. I want this quarter to be over in the worst way. I've been really depressed and almost in a daze since Friday after portfolio review. I have no real reason to feel this way and it's bothering me that I am. I cried during my portfolio review for no reason. In fact, it was probably my best one yet. My advisor said "I had come out of my shell". If I were on American Idol, he'd be Simon, the toughest critic, only Simon is actually a nice guy off camera (so I hear) and this guy is constantly a douche. But he gave me a compliment, and the feedback I got from the other "judges" wasn't bad. But I cried...for no reason...other than maybe I was just happy that it went as well as it did. But the rest of the day, i was incredibly unhappy, and haven't been motivated to do anything since. All I really have left to do is print my presentation things and finish my dynamic web class stuff. I just don't want to do it at all. I haven't really felt like doing anything but sleeping, which I haven't done well in awhile. I snapped out of it a little bit Saturday night cause Dave, Reddy, Sarah, and I went to the Roller Derby, but after awhile I just wanted to go home. I don't know what is wrong with me, but i need to snap out. I think after this week I'll feel much better.

Oh, and Pearl Jam is Thursday...

So, I didn't get the management position, but I'm ok with that. Hopefully, after graduation I'll find a better job doing something more related to my major. It would have been nice to have been given the position, but I at this time it doesn't really matter to me.
They're having a manager from another studio cover until they figure out who they are going to promote. My DM told me that they need another month at least to figure out the studio and get things in semi order. My old boss really screwed up, considering we've only been open for 3 months! It just makes it even more obvious that she didn't care about anything.
I have a lot of homework and preparation to do for the end of this quarter. I have a portfolio review next week, and I want to make sure that I have everything I've been working on this quarter ready to show for it. I'm almost done with everything, but my senior project is really killing me. I don't see the need to make a powerpoint presentation and a graphic design piece for my 20 page paper that I spent 11 weeks writing. Ugh, let me write the 20 page paper and be done with it!

I've been sitting in class for a good 20 minutes now waiting for it to start. I really hate how people can't show up on time.

I'm irritable and tired. And I still don't know about my job.

I have an interview tomorrow to take over as studio manager in my studio. My boss is moving to Pittsburg, which I'm excited about because she sucks. I think she's quite possibly the worst manager I've ever had...and I've had some bad ones. Talking about why I can't stand her is a whole other story though.

She recommended me to the DM, telling him that "I was the only one she trusted to take over and not run the place into the ground." She keeps telling me that she's backing me 100% and she trusts that I will do a good job. she said it looks like the position is pretty much mine.

I'm very excited to possibly have my own studio. When I first applied to this company, I applied for a studio management position in another store. That position was given to someone already working as an associate in that store, but they offered me a position making more money at the store I am in now. The opportunity to get a management position would really give me a chance to shine and show everyone what I am about. I have plenty of experience in this field and know that I will do a good job if hired.

I really hope I get the position.

The weeks have been going by pretty fast. I'm already approaching week 5 of this quarter. Even though I have 5 classes, a first for me, I feel like I'm in pretty good shape. This is the first quarter I feel pretty confident that I'll do a decent job. I'm working on some e-learning applications, motion graphics pieces, learning php (which has been a lot easier than I thought) and writing a paper for a pretty solid senior project (at least that's what everyone has been saying during critiques). I'm also redesigning and coding my portfolio website, which should be done soon. I'll be getting out of this school soon and I'm excited and feel ready...finally.

Work has been going not so good. My manager is an idiot. She's hardly ever even there to manage. She didn't even write a schedule last week. I should be running that place. I feel like no one knows what is going on at any given time. My hours are shitty, no one books any appointments, and everyone's photography sucks...even my managers isn't up to par in my opinion. I guess I should really stop caring. Hopefully I'll be out of that place soon.

I have to go start the day.

I just got done a pretty intense workout (for me at least) and I'm feeling really out of breath right now. Since Dave and I have been together, I've gained 5 lbs. He likes to eat, I like to eat, and even though we do cook at home a lot, we don't exactly eat the greatest things. I've been pretty unhappy with my body for awhile now, so when I found out I actually gained more weight, it made the crappy day I was already having yesterday even worse. I've said it a hundred times before, but I'm going to get serious about eating right and exercising. I started a food journal and have been pushing myself harder than I ever have when I work out. It's exhausting, but I know if i keep it up it will really pay off. And it's a good stress reliever when I'm having a crap day.

Yesterday started a new quarter for me, which is already stressful in itself. New classes, new teacher expectations, more work, etc. is all pretty stressful. I had a hard time sleeping Sunday night because of it. I got up early so I could get to the school by 7:30 to get my official schedule and talk to my dept. head because he apparently needed to talk to me. I go to get my schedule only to find out that I have an accounting hold and couldn't get it. I had to wait a few minutes for accounting to get there for them to tell me that I'm not enrolled full time so I don't get my financial aid. Considering I'm about to graduate I'm running low on classes to take and have certain requirements. They told me that they could rework the plan, but I'd have a payment in April unless I could take another class. I figured that is what my dept. head needed to talk to me about, so I went upstairs to talk to him and see what we could do.

 I normally absolutely hate talking to this guy. He's not the most charismatic person you'll meet. I usually describe him as a "condescending asshole", but to my surprise he was VERY helpful. He told me that this happens to most people about to graduate because the senior project classes are only 2 credits, but that if I wanted to there was another class I could take on Thursday nights so I could get more credits now and wouldn't have to make a payment. He would talk to financial aid and have them make sure my plan was worked so I could graduate. I decided I could just tell my boss that Thursday nights were also out and it wouldn't be a big deal taking one more class considering I only had like 4 left.  At least that is what I thought. Apparently, even after taking another class this quarter, I still have 6 classes left and won't graduate until December. There's no way i could take 6 classes and work  next quarter. 5 is manageable, but 6 is dreadful. So My graduation is being extended because of one stupid class. I was pretty upset. Dave and I were talking about going to Portugal in September and now it doesn't look like it's going to happen. I felt like crying, yelling, screaming, but I surprisingly kept my cool.

By the time I got everything straightened out, it was after 8, so I hurried to my class to find no one in there. I waited a few minutes, then went back to the offices to ask if the room had been changed. I was told the room hadn't changed and i was the only person taking the class, so just wait a few minutes to see if the teacher shows up because she may be running late. I go back to the room and wait until 8:30. No show. So I go back to the offices to find my dept. head and Jamie, a director of admissions, talking about my class. Apparently they screwed up somehow and the class I was scheduled in for Monday mornings was really Tuesdays from 1-5. I was furious. I had gotten up early, dealt with Tampa traffic, a bunch of financial aid crap, found out I wasn't graduating in September, and now this. I was scheduled to work Tuesday morning so I was going to have to call my boss and tell her I couldn't work because my availability  changed for the third time.  I left that office with my head hung low. I was surprised that I didn't scream at them.

There's a lot I can do to change the way I look and make me feel better about myself. I'm taking that matter in to my own hands by working out and trying to eat better. It's tiring and hard to get motivated certain days, but I know it's what I need to do in order to make myself feel better. I know finishing school will pay off in the end because I will eventually get a job that pays well and will be something that I enjoy doing. But there really isn't anything I can do to change the way my school handles things. When it comes to that, I'm stuck. All I keep thinking about is one stupid class. One class is preventing me from graduating in September. Could I have taken an extra class earlier that would have prevented this from happening? Maybe, but most of the time the classes i need for my program weren't being offered, or if they were two classes were offered the same day and time. I tried the best that I could and now there's there's nothing I can do but ride out another quarter.

I'm both mentally and physically exhausted and I don't know which is worse. I just have to keep my head up and tell myself that this is happening for a reason. I've gotten through much worse in the past and I know I can get through this okay too.